Friday morning when we woke up Kade had 102.5 temperature. I have been so paranoid of this horrible swine flu that is going around so I was freaking out. Tim had a deadline to meet at work that ended on Friday so I had to stay home with Kade. I love staying home with him and feel guilty if I go to work when he is sick, but when you are a teacher not going to work is such a stressful deal especially when you don't know your not going until that morning and your room is not ready for a sub. I feel guilty for missing work and not being prepared and I feel guilty for feeling guilty about work when I should only be caring about my poor sick baby. Maybe it's just my personality but I just hate the feeling of my classroom being in complete disorder and the kids having a stranger teach them for the day and you never know if the sub is going to be good or crazy. When I plan to have a sub I always have everything layed out and in order with specific notes written out. Balancing work and family has been the hardest part of having a baby for me. I feel so guilty all the time when it comes to Kade and my job. My problem is I feel like I have to be perfect at all my jobs; wife, mommy, and teacher.
So back to Friday morning; sorry I got a little off track. It was 6:15 in the morning and I rushed to call in a sub and type out my 4 pages of sub plans for the day. I emailed my sub plans to my team to give to the sub. The whole time poor miserable Kade is laying next to me burning up with fever and whining. He would not go to Tim, he only wanted me. So I was typing those 4 pages with 1 hand practically the whole time.
At 9:00 when were able to go to the doctor. It was packed and I was freaking out that if he didn't already have swine flu we were going to catch it in that office. Big kids kept walking out looking miserable. Two hours later we left the office after finding out the flu test was negative, thank goodness, and poor Kade had a double ear infection. He has really struggled with ear infections and I am concerned we are going to have to get the tubes put in his ears. The doctor wants to see us back in 3 weeks and said that we will discuss his ear infection history then. Since he was tiny and got his first ear infection I have been so scared that he is going to have to get tubes put in his ears. Everyone tells me that it is no big deal, but I just get so freaked out by hospitals and don't want my little baby to have to go through that. Since my mom died I absolutely hate going to hospitals. I know that most people come out of the hospital when they go in, but it is like I have this crazy fear inside of me that when people go to hospitals they don't come out. I know it sounds crazy I just hate going to hospitals to visit people or for any reason. I hate seeing people I care about sitting in that hospital bed, there is just something about it. I know in the long run the tubes will probably be the best thing for Kade so he doesn't have to suffer with ear infections anymore.
A Hard Burden to Carry
2 years ago
2 comments:
Poor baby Kade! I absolutely know exactly how you feel about trying to juggle work and family. I wish we were able to be two places at once, but gosh darn it, we just don't have that technology yet!
I'm glad Kade doesn't have the flu though. I was a complete wreck last week when Kynlee had it.
Heather you are being way to hard on yourself...no one is perfect and we all just do what we think is best for our families. you are a great mom and teacher and both Kade and your students are lucky to have you in their lives. Your mom was the same way being the best she could be at school and the best mom in the world. She did a great job at both and so will you. Love your Aunt Patsy
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